Lessons I have Learned as a Father

When our oldest daughter Sophie was young she was not a great sleeper.  In fact she was terrible. She was up early and never seemed to sleep more than a couple hours at time during the night. At that time I was in school working my way through a demanding program. Thankfully Anna was willing to take the brunt of the load as she knew I would fall asleep in class if she didn’t. (If you were to ask a few of my classmates I did anyway, on a semi regular basis.) We tried everything but nothing seemed to work.

No matter what we did or which advice we followed she would not sleep  well at all. I remember one night Anna and I decided that something needed to change. We had tried to let Sophie cry before but usually caved, as we hated to hear her upset. Not this night! It was on this night and through this experience I learned a valuable lesson about parenthood.

As with countless other nights Sophie woke up after a minimal amount of sleep. Anna went in gave her a bottle, a blanket and even a little doll to keep her company, then she gave her a kiss told her she loved her and walked out of the room closing the door behind her. Almost instantly the crying started. Anna looked at me and we both sat down on the floor just outside her door, neither one of us ready to leave her to suffer alone. We told ourselves that sleeping was something she needed to finally learn to do. Each one of us was there to support the other so we would not go back in. Every sound she made we heard and although she may have felt alone and forgotten that night her parents were not as far away as she thought. We were just on the other side of the door and with all the emotions that only a parent could feel we experienced her pain with her and yet we stayed the course.

That night did not change everything for us. Sophie still woke up in the night, but over the years gradually things improved. As I have remembered that night I have often thought of the life lessons I learned through my daughter. We all have moments in our lives when we feel alone; as if there was no one there to comfort us or who will understand our pain. But if we will step back we will see the tender love of our heavenly parents who have not left us alone. They have comforted us in our time of need, nourished us with the words of the prophets, provided a comforter for us in the Holy Ghost and have even given us friends and family to support us. Ultimately though, each one of us at times will have to go through those growing moments that we can only do alone. No one can do them for us. Our Father in Heaven and Saviour could rush in at any time and remove us from the pain we feel but with the wisdom of an eternal perspective they do not. They realize that there are certain lessons we must learn on our own if we are truly to become like them.

God sent us to earth to learn and grow and He realized that at times we may lose our way. I'm not sure how the premortal worlds were handled and what the circumstances were as we left our heavenly home to come to earth. I imagine though, that if we had a chance to talk to the Father of our spirits before we embarked on this earthly sojourn that he would have said something like David did after learning of the death of his wayward son.

“And the king was much moved… and wept: and as [we] went, thus he said, O my son [Rob], my son, my son [Rob]! would God I had died for thee, O [Rob], my son, my son!” (2 Samuel 18:33) In essence, saying that he knew how hard a road was before us and wishing that he could make the journey for us to take away our pain but with perfect foresight knowing that he could not. This life was our chance to learn and grow, our chance to be tested and knowing that we would surely come up short God would provide a way for our escape.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16).

Because Christ lived I can know that during those moments when I feel I have failed, or have come up short, and during those moments when like my daughter I feel utterly alone I can take solace in the knowledge that I am not alone. Sometimes not too far away just beyond the doors of eternity my Father and Saviour sit on the floor and suffer with me, acutely aware of my needs and my pain yet with eternal love stay the course so that I too may earn the reward and through Christ Jesus and return to live with them again. At this Easter season I wish to say how grateful I am for God’s perfect knowledge and foresight and for the “matchless gift of His divine Son” which provides all of us with solace through our personal Gesthemanies.

The Lesson

Yes, my fretting,

Frowning child,

I could cross

The room to you

More easily.

 

But I’ve already

Learned to walk,

So I make you

Come to me. 

Let go now—

There!

You see?

Oh, remember

This simple lesson,

Child,

And when

In later years

You cry out

With tight fists

And tears—

“Oh, help me,

God—please.”—

Just listen

And you’ll hear 

A silent voice:

I would, child,

I would.

But it’s you,

Not I,

Who needs to try

Godhood.” 

--Carol Lynne Pearson

#BecauseHeLived